This started out as a Quickie

It's been a while... the words aren't flowing the way they used to any more. This is partly due to the fact that I've been out of practice, and partly because my mind is muddled with counterarguments for everything. As soon as I put pen to paper (or fingertips to keys, as the case may be) I doubt my stand and start trying to commiserate. Is this what it means to be a student of the social sciences? To never stand firm on a single point? To allow for assumptions to be made and circumstances to cloud judgement?

It is said that nothing is ever black and white, but shades of grey. Things are never what they seem on face value. But why is this so? Why do people hide and lie? Why are there so many layers of distrust? Ultimately, I think it boils down to this: People must protect themselves by masking their insecurities and weaknesses, for admitting to them is just too terrifying a prospect.

I've become so practised at the art of lying that if I told you I can't lie, you'd believe me. I've learnt to lie without missing a beat, out of necessity, or what I've convinced myself is a necessity. Long, detailed back stories with events that never really occurred, but perhaps could have. Half-truths are full lies, right?

***

I'm sorry for lying to your face. You'll probably never find out the truth, and even if you do, it definitely will not 'rock your world', but I am sorry. With your kind eyes and trusting nature, I wish we could be friends, but unfortunately, given the current situation, this cannot happen. After months, the gravity of how naturally the lies fall out of my mouth has hit me. Perhaps, it's just easier to not talk about it at all, rather than cover it all up with yet more lies.

Besides, I'm starting to forget what the truth was.