don't highlight the following bit unless u want the moral dilemma of minding your own business or being a caring friend on your hands...
lets get straight down to it...
i have lost my ability to mingle. since when did i become such a boring bimbotic person? monday night at the warwick talk completely illustrated that... sigh.
earlier this year... i wanted to be a nerd... seriously. after the disappointment of blanking out during the exams... i was all up for the study lifestyle...
what i didn't envision was not only being... but LOOKING like a nerd...
in short... i hate my elastics... i hate my braces... i hate my dry malnourished hair... i just really really HATE IT ALL!!!!
I
HATE
IT!!!!
the worst bit about all this is that my confidence as a person has dropped through the floor... how the heck am i supposed to be all calm and composed during interviews when in my head i KNOW first impressions count?
and that brings me to the interviews... my cv REALLY doesn't reflect the dynamic person i know i am... there are just SO many blanks... and my results... i don't even want to start...
the day the results were released, i actually broke down in physics... i was just sitting there with the tears coming down my face... and i was so embarrassed... but i couldn't stop! after finishing off my pack of tissue, i just up and left for the ladies... there, after sobbing a bit more, i got myself together and returned to class... just to break down all over again...
and this was even before my results were released... ><
later when mr lim, my physics lecturer called, he told me i made him feel so guilty for making me cry... yeah... well.. who asked him to tell us about all the past students who didnt make it? the thing is... my physics results were the best among the others... leaving me to question my ability in econs...
i still do...
WHY THE HECK have i applied for courses in economics?!?!
and all the way in the UK...
thinking about the financial, not to mention the time factor... is it all worth it?
there are few people who trust me... and even fewer who i myself trust... i don't want to let them down... but i think i already am...
the hardest part to swallow is that i might be letting myself down...
yeah. if you want to comfort me... it's gna be an upward struggle. but if you have read all this and have nothing to say... just... please don't judge me.
i've decided to seriously embrace the kiasu culture so this is my last post for the next 2 months until my exams r over... unless i have really important news to share...
and i have a tag to complete... courtesy of my lovable new york cat =)
till then... take care.
2 comments:
i always wish my smile was as happy and big as yours :) makes your whole face light up
thanks... that's really sweet. if you don't mind... who is this?
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